Hard Times

"Hard Times" is the name of one of the most popular novels written by Charles dickens. I never liked his works actually. He shocks you with the reality in his novels. He always gives me the impression that either I'm living in a dark world or in a world that is turning to be one.

But, to the say the truth. I like the titles of his novels. They always seem inspiring. Despite the content, the titles are always attracting to me. Sometimes I pick one of his writings and start reading just because the title seems too good to be left without knowing what is beside it.

I remember that I used to listen to that song. It was so good that I had that dream that I really need to see the movie for which that song was made. but when I saw it, I couldn't complete it to the end. Seems that I have a really strange taste because that movie was really popular. but I never liked it.

But anyway, I remembered Charles dickens because of the title: "Hard times". Because everyone of us has his own hard times. Scenes in your life that you always remember and you try hard to keep it in your memory. Times that are always kept stronger while other moments in life start to fade as time goes on.

About "Hard times" I'm talking today. Maybe because I think this is a good way of documenting them. Times that I don't like to forget. Although they are hard but they mean something. Without these times and these days I wouldn't be me. Good or bad, I owe these times the existence of me as I am.

*****
30 August, 2000

I am fifteen now and I am on my way to the airport to leave Dubai forever. I first went there when I was just a 4 years old little child. I never liked it in the beginning because I was so alone in a very strange environment. No friends, no common language, nothing that I'm familiar with.

But today is different. Today, and while the car is moving away from the place I used to live. I see these girls standing in front of the building. I see there picture getting smaller and smaller as the car moves. Those were the friends of my life. I knew them from the first month I came to this country and ever since we have been together. We made everything together, we ate, we played, we slept, we dreamed together and we grow up together. But now, now I have to leave all this behind and return.

I remember that once we heard that they are going to reconstruct the building the we are living in -we were neighbours- which means that each one of us will go to some place else. We started to make paintings on the wall describing our life here so that other people would know about us. What happened is that the building stayed and we were the ones who left.

There picture disappeared now.. I can see nothing but the street running as if it is afraid to be caught. Why time goes so fast when you just need it to freeze. but this is useless now. It is not just about them. It's about the place that connected us. The place that I used to have a life in. They always say that "to live is different than to have a life". I had a life in that place that I couldn't ever dream of. I cannot imagine that this place will never belong to me again. My room will never be mine. If I passed by this place one more time, I will never have the right to knock the door and enter because it will be someone Else's'

Now I reached the airport, and I'm stepping my last steps in this country. It's hard what travelling can do to people. You always feel divided. I never imagined my life away from Dubai. But in the same time I had this feeling towards my home land. That feeling that always comes to you in some special days and occasions. These days have another taste in your home land when you really need to be surrounded by your people. If I had the option, I will never be able to choose. I always felt that my home was divided to two equal splits, each part was thrown in some different place on earth.

Good for me that I was travelling alone, I wouldn't have had any explanation for the tears that are dropping from me like as if it is raining. Tears are relieving, I always believed in this but I don't like to cry in front of people. But today is different, today is and will be one of my hard times. Let the world feel it...

******

Too long post. If it was me who started reading it, I doubt that I would have finished it. As I said before, people enjoy talking about themselves. That's why blogs are every where. Each one thinks that he suffered too much and decides to write his experience so that everyone in the world would know about his victories not knowing that he is just an ordinary person who suffers like any other one, maybe less than any other one. Why would I be different??