Monday 19 July 2010

A Wedding..

Today I called an old dear friend. I haven't call her for more than a year . The past few days I felt like I really need to contact her and hear her voice. Tell her how much I miss her and remind her with our days together.

Back when I first went to UAE and for many years that followed, she was my only friend. We met in a country that is not ours and faced being strangers together. She was from Jordan and I am Egyptian and I was changing schools a lot so I never had a real friend at that time..not one.. until I knew her, my dear Neighbor. My life became different after that. I started to like being in UAE and that is when I knew how it is like to have a friend.. a real friend for whom you share everything with.. secrets.. problems.. food.. good moments and bad moments..even trivial moments.. We d adventures and we lived long long moments of begging our parents to leave us together for "Just another hour". She was my childhood friend and a lifetime friend.. but I left..

I went back to Egypt and she went back to Jordan.. the last time I' saw her was when I was in my fathers' car lifting me to the airport. I remember her standing in-front of our building and I'm watching her as the car moves. I kept looking and she and the building that shared all these moments are getting smaller and smaller until they both vanished. This was our last moment. I remember that from the day I knew her, travelling back to Egypt was one of my hardest things ever. Not because I am heading back home but because I was leaving her.. sometimes for months and other times for years.. When I return back, it is like I never left. The last time I left was the hardest.. I knew it was my last time..

I am here in Egypt now.. I had new friends.. great friends.. best friends... but she was always different... she was and still is my childhood friend..

When i felt this need of calling her.. when I felt like it is really urgent.. when I felt like I must call her especially today not knowing why... I finally heard her voice again... and when she told me that next Sunday is her Wedding.. When she told me that she is now trying her wedding dress.. When she told me to come re she is sure that I can't... When all that happened, I remembered all that and cried.. I remembered you my old friend... I remembered you and god only knows how much I need to be there with you..share this very special moment to add it to our moments together..but I can't...and it is killing me....

Saturday 8 May 2010

Away..In my little tent..

When I was a little girl, a tiny 4 years-old little girl. I was having a redicilous dream. We had this toys store next to where we live in UAE. It was huge full of every delightful toy that a kid can ever imagine, but I was always paying attention to this little tent. A tent that you can structure that resembles a small house for kids.

Every time we go to this store, I always go there and keep looking at it, I remember the feeling when I look at it...so warm and so safe.. I remember that I was sometimes sneak to this store with my friends just to go and watch it.. For a reason I cannot explain, I never actually asked my parents to get it for me until 3 years later...and finally I got it...A little yellow and red tent with a door. The day I bought it was a good day in my life.

I kept it until we get back to Egypt where I set it on a corner of the house that nobody usually pass by. Although it was tiny, I added all my favorite things inside it. I put my favorite books, teddy bears, toys, cassette player with my favorite songs (I managed to add electricity to it!), added a blanket inside it.. I even put a small lamp to be able to light it when it gets dark..

As time passes by, this place turned to be my only destination when I need to be away. That's when I go there, close the door, light up the lamp and cry, fall asleep or start reading a book. Everything seems far away. My whole world turns to be inside this lightened tent and everything else is outside..I remember how safe I feel when I find that dark is everywhere except inside my little tent that protects me from whatever is outside. Protects me from other people, bad days and from regretting my silly decisions.

Time passed and we decided to move from our home, I was 17 then. While moving, my little tent was disassembled and never assembled again. I guess everybody assumed that I was too old for this tent so it disappeared somewhere and I never saw it again. Maybe they were right..I was too old for a kids tent but I wasn't that old for having a place to hide in for some time.

I'm writing this because today I thought that I am missing my little tent. I miss this small place that barely fits me and I miss lighting the lamp inside it and feeling like a little shiny spot in the middle of no where. I miss it and couldn't find it, that why I opened this page and started talking about how it felt being away, in my little lost tent..