Friday, 23 February 2007

To my sister... with love...

Six years ago, I never thought that one day I will sit and write such an article... I never imagined that I will talk about my sister as a dead person... who can?!!...

Six years ago I was some one like any other one... all I cared about at this time is how to pass my exams and get the results that make me go to the college I want...

Amina was my old sister... she was seven years older than me.. exactly seven years... because I was born at her birthday... She never liked that... And she always complained because she wanted to have a separate birthday than mine...her own birthday...

We were always fighting... I think this was kind of fun for us.. instead of being silent we fight... just to spend some time doing something... fighting for nothing actually...

She used to write poetry... I still have her notebook that she used to write in... She loved music... and we used to take music lessons with a teacher... Her piano is still there... but it is now covered with dust... I couldn't use it after her death... It is just there reminding me of her... she loved to play music everyday before she sleeps...

Her music was very beautiful... but she stopped playing music when she got sick...

Six years ago I never thought that my sister will die so soon.... I always thought of her like my protector... I always thought that in my dark hours she will be there for me... always... I never thought that she will need me some day... That it will be me who is supposed to protect her.. how hard was that...

Cancer is not like Egyptian TV shows... it is not a surgery that kills your sickness... It is a long story... a long long days of ups and downs.... it completely changes your life... It always reminds you that you are not really that far from death... you are so close...

The day of her funeral.. my friends were telling me that I didn't seem to be so sad... Actually... that day I never imagined that fact.. I never imagined that from now on.. her bed will always be empty... her pictures will be hidden so as not to let mama see it... that she will not ever have her own birthday... And that her music will stop forever...

I wonder... can she feel me now... can she know that I'm still thinking of her... That I'm still sad because she left... Can she know how much I needed her.. How much I still do... It is hard if she can't... because I realized that in her lifetime, I never told her that I loved her... never... I just wanted to tell her now...

After four years of your death.. I'm writing this for you sister... with love...

Tuesday, 20 February 2007

Abdelwahab and me

كنت فى صمتك مرغم
كنت فى صبرك مكره
فتكلم...و تألم... و تعلم كيف تكره

عرضك الغالى على الظالم هان
و مشى العار اليه و اليك
أرضك الحرة غطاها الهوان
و طغى الظلم عليها و عليك

قدم الاجيال قربانا لعرضك
اجعل العمر سياجا حول ارضك
غضبة للعرض.. للارض... لنا
غضبة تبعث فينا مجدنا
و اذا ما هتف الهول بنا
فليقل كل فتى انى هنا.. انى هنا

أنا يا مصر فتاك
بدمى احمى حماك
و دمى ملء ثراك

بلدى لا عشت ان لم افتدى .. يومك الحر بيومى و غد
نازفا من دم اعدائك ما .. نزفوه من ابى او ولدى
اخذا حريتى من غاصبيها
سالبيها و بروحى افتديها

هات اذنيك معى و اسمع معى صيحة اليقظة تجتاح الجموع
صيحة شدت ظهور الركع و محت اصداؤها عار الخضوع

انت ان لم تتحرر بيدى يابلدى
فسأمضى اتحرر من قيود الجسد
لا ابالى الهول بل اعشقه
لا اباليه و ان مت صريعه
انه لو لم يكن اخلقه... لأرى فيه ضحايانا جميعا

فاحترم بالثأر ذكرى شهدائك.. بذلوا ارواحهم بذل السخى
و انتقم.. ان هنا اذكى دماء
و هنا امى ... و اختى ... و اخى

أنا يا مصر فتاك
بدمى احمى حماك
و دمى ملء ثراك

Have you listened to abdelwahhab before?... try this song... you will never regret...

Friday, 16 February 2007

The begining

Why do people like to talk about themselves??.. I think this is human nature...recently I found that blogs became something like a hobby to many of my friends...So, I started to think.. why not???...

Some times you need to talk to somebody and say many useless things... this relieves you actually... but it is some times a burden on this somebody...after all... it is not his fault that you have problems...It is not his fault that you just want to talk...

Here I'm talking to somebody... somebody who may want me to continue... and may not... but in this case he will leave... and I will never know... people do not get hurt from something they don't know... do they?