Six years ago, I never thought that one day I will sit and write such an article... I never imagined that I will talk about my sister as a dead person... who can?!!...
Six years ago I was some one like any other one... all I cared about at this time is how to pass my exams and get the results that make me go to the college I want...
Amina was my old sister... she was seven years older than me.. exactly seven years... because I was born at her birthday... She never liked that... And she always complained because she wanted to have a separate birthday than mine...her own birthday...
We were always fighting... I think this was kind of fun for us.. instead of being silent we fight... just to spend some time doing something... fighting for nothing actually...
She used to write poetry... I still have her notebook that she used to write in... She loved music... and we used to take music lessons with a teacher... Her piano is still there... but it is now covered with dust... I couldn't use it after her death... It is just there reminding me of her... she loved to play music everyday before she sleeps...
Her music was very beautiful... but she stopped playing music when she got sick...
Six years ago I never thought that my sister will die so soon.... I always thought of her like my protector... I always thought that in my dark hours she will be there for me... always... I never thought that she will need me some day... That it will be me who is supposed to protect her.. how hard was that...
Cancer is not like Egyptian TV shows... it is not a surgery that kills your sickness... It is a long story... a long long days of ups and downs.... it completely changes your life... It always reminds you that you are not really that far from death... you are so close...
The day of her funeral.. my friends were telling me that I didn't seem to be so sad... Actually... that day I never imagined that fact.. I never imagined that from now on.. her bed will always be empty... her pictures will be hidden so as not to let mama see it... that she will not ever have her own birthday... And that her music will stop forever...
I wonder... can she feel me now... can she know that I'm still thinking of her... That I'm still sad because she left... Can she know how much I needed her.. How much I still do... It is hard if she can't... because I realized that in her lifetime, I never told her that I loved her... never... I just wanted to tell her now...
After four years of your death.. I'm writing this for you sister... with love...
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19 comments:
7abibti Sara,
I will not tell you that your words made my tears down... I just reminding myself with the day you came to coll. and someone told me that sara's sister died.. I went to see you.. I wanted to tell you such words that may relief some of the sadness you have.. I remember these moments. When you was looking through the window outside the class 8, the window that was beside the left "elasanseer". I looked at your eyes and see your tears..
It was really hard.. it was hard for you my little baby to afford these hard moments... I wanted to hang you to give you the feeling of protection.. even now.. I was so worried when you have an interview in my company .. I asked the interviewer not to be tough with you.. I told him that she is like my little baby...
Yes .. You are my little baby ya sara..I adore your stories about your sister -rabena yer7amha isA- and your kind 2nd papa:).
May be you discovered the death fact in your early age.. but all of us will have to learn this tough fact, whether we accept or refuse it...
Rabena yer7amek ya Amena ...
Words are not always helpful to express what I really want to say..
but you know abeer how big difference ur words make for me...
Death is a fact that we must all face... the hardest part was the pain... when you see someone that u really care for suffering that much...when u find your self thinking at sometimes that maybe death is a solution for her pain... this is the hard part...
my sister suffered for 2 years... through this time many days that passed seemed to be her last.... can u imagine how can this affect all of us???...
May ALLAH rest her soul... and gather us all in heaven insha'allah..
Not only your words that made my tears too fell down ... its your reply too!!!
You know Sara! I do always have a belief ... i alwaays believe that we don't remember that we do have eyes except when we see someon blind ... we don't remember how arms are important untill we get injured ... we don't remember what pain means untill we see our dearest suffer from!!!
Me too really wish from my deeeeeepp heart that dead people do hear us ... do feel our missing to them ... do hear our silly confession to them ... hear us when asking GOD in our prayers to rest thier souls.
3arfa ya Sara!! Me too sometimes i feel that i was too late to confess my love to someone dear that passed away and left me, but sometimes i keep talking to her just feeling that it may happen and she hears me : )
Sorry i know am not that good at writing but sometimes u feel u wanna tell something to your scincere friend.
Salam my scincere friend
eih dah ya sara, meeen elli bey2ra the blog 3'eeri!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anaaaaaa :)))))
Thank you anonymous for your very nice reply... although I don't know who are you -and I really wish- I will respect your wish and will never ask... Only because I know that abeer will take this mission anyway :)...
I loved your words so much and I felt it... It's true that you never feel the beauty in anything unless you lose it... our problem is that we are always too late.. this leads you to the most hated feeling that I might ever have... regret...
Maybe this hard experience will be our motivation to search for beauty in things... and to say it loudly to everyone we care about: "I love you"...
Sara I adore you :)
yaaah from long time I didn't find my tears down with this emotions. It is very hard for us humans to find a person specially if he is very close to us and live with us, it is very hard to find him disappear especially after suffering. Sarah I felt that I'm in your place and your sister is my sister, very hard feeling. The thing that make us impatient that we will meet one day in the 2nd house insha'Allah. Sarah I love you, your are really a very kind and great girl.
yooh ba2a!!!!!!!!!
Sarah, Please anonymous from writting the comment .. asl ana bada2t a3'eeer awi :(...
we ba3deen meen dah ya hanem elli momken ye2ool "Sarah I love you 3'erri!!!".. ha! rodi 3alaya!
tab3an mesh liki 3een .. mesh 2adra terodi.. meho law kan 3andek rad konna semen3na sotek :P..
Please ya anonymous(s) ezhar we baan 3aleek elamaan :D
They become two anonymous now ya abeer... yalla ba2a... warakee sho'3l kteer...
Thank you anonymous(2) for your reply... It is very nice to feel this support from others..
This kind of support that made me pass all the previous years up till now.. without it.. I wouldn't have gone so far...
Thank you again... all of you.. :)
Sarah have many persons who adore her. She is a very nice girl and also you Abeer. Go to work and look to life with a optimistic view as we all will leave it soon insha'Allah.
One final comment, I'm waiting for new posts.
Salam
Tears and nothing but tears and hard feelings.
I certainly know how it feels when losing someone you LOVE. However, I always cry and when I stop, I pray.
Sarah, May Allah Forgive her and us All.
Ameen.
Salaaaam
Sara,
Your words touched my heart; they made me cry as I remember my father (Allah yer7amoh). I remembered how uncaring I was with him, and how much he suffered before his death. I regret every moment I wasted to express how much I love him and how much I need him. I really do miss him! May Allah forgive me :(
May Allah rest the souls of our beloved ones in peace and gather us all in el-Firdaus el-A'la with Prophets and martyrs.
Ameen
Amen
May Allah Sub7anah Wa Ta3ala Bless her soul and his soul.
Sara and Noony, remember the blessings of Mohammed Salla Allaho 3alayhi Wasallam when he said:
"وولد صالح يدعو له"
Pray ....
Let the tears wipe your fears
Let the prays replace cries
May Allah SWT guide all of us to the right path..
Salamo Alaikom.
ohhhhhhhh
really strong words
i cant say any thing
my god accept us
regards
Dear Sarah, your post was really touching, am not gonna tell u that u brought tears to me as many others said, coz my tear as they say is not soon, i only cry when it comes to my mother, she is still alive al 7amdo lellah but i only cry if she is really sick or if we had argument, any way, i understand your feeling exactly, May Allah takes your pain away and rest your sister's soul in eternal peace, my mother was really sick lately and i was really feeling so bad as i was afraid i might not see her again, for me, am faithful guy al 7amdo lellah and i believe that Allah sent us to this life & he is gonna take us back but still we can not 100 % afford the pain of losing some one but we have still to be faithful.
Finaly i wish Allah would keep all your family safe for you.
Best of luck.
fanty
Thank you yakoob for your comment... God only knows that I didn't intend to make anybody cry..
Writing this topic was like talking to strangers... have you ever heard about talking to strangers... when you meet someone that you don't know.. someone that you know you will never meet again in your life.. this gives you the courage to say whatever you want... anything that you might think of you say..just to feel better...
About your mother... I can understand that...I feel exactly the same towards my mother.. A feeling that always frightens me because I know that it goes far beyond the natural fear..
Noony... I'm sorry for what happened to your father.. but as the Groom said.. keep on praying for him.. I believe that this will make him happier and it diffently will make him feel your love.. The love that he missed at his lifetime...
Thank you yakoob for your comment... God only knows that I didn't intend to make anybody cry..
Writing this topic was like talking to strangers... have you ever heard about talking to strangers... when you meet someone that you don't know.. someone that you know you will never meet again in your life.. this gives you the courage to say whatever you want... anything that you might think of you say..just to feel better...
About your mother... I can understand that...I feel exactly the same towards my mother.. A feeling that always frightens me because I know that it goes far beyond the natural fear..
Noony... I'm sorry for what happened to your father.. but as the Groom said.. keep on praying for him.. I believe that this will make him happier and it diffently will make him feel your love.. The love that he missed at his lifetime...
Sara
ur name like my older sis sara , am sure no words can be enough for u, i know what u feel exactly belive me sweety, all i want to tell u that am sure knew and still knows that u love her , as u did know
am sure that all ur loughter and monets u shared told u and her about ur love
7abibti the sound of actions is louder than words and what comes from heart reach to the heart, rest ur souls 7abibty and make sure tat she knew that u loved her more than u imagine
all my regards
just pray for her its all she needs, till u meet in paradise and know ur self that she alwys felt ur love
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